I prefer rodents and insects to stay outside of my house. I was confident in my stance when nature played a cruel joke. I still get the shakes recalling the moment that my spider naiveté left me, and Austin and Jamison can fully recall the screams that I produced, which would give any horror show actress a run for her money.
I was innocently on our couch watching American Ninja Warrior with Jamison when I decided that the dishes on my counter would look much better in the dishwasher. As I rounded the corner separating the den and the kitchen I noticed that our hardwood floor just kind of moved. “Hmm, not exactly normal, but nothing to be alarmed at.” I thought. I began staring more intently at the floor when at the same exact moment the floor flashed what appeared to be some curious black, shimmering eyes directly at me. We shared a moment and our eyes locked. That is where the love-fest ended and my nightmare began.
I screamed a gut wrenching, window shattering, up from my toes type of scream. Jamison jumped straight up from the couch with his hands covering his ears and his feet taking him in circles. As his legs walked him into the kitchen he witnessed his extremely excited and terrified mother stomping after these sets of beady eyes with brown hair surrounding them. Then he observed the hairy, beady eyes jumping back at her. It was an old fashioned stand off and neither of us was backing down.
“What in the world?” followed by different pitches of “Ecks and “Oh no’s” from my brave 11-year-old protector, Jamison. I jumped. It jumped. I went to grab for a heavy object, and Jamison went to grab for his iPhone, as he screamed, “Be a ninja Mom. Use controlled breathing.”
Austin, my nonchalant 14-year-old, came running around the corner, having jumped out of the shower dripping wet, with the forethought to put on shorts. “What?” he calmly asked as he took in the scene of me chasing a now identified gigantic tarantula. The tarantula was jumping and scurrying all around my kitchen with my foot slamming down right after him a mere millisecond too late each time. Austin calmly took a seldom-used cookbook off the shelf and stared at the hairy beast. It was almost as if they kind of came to an understanding of the minds. Austin arched his right eyebrow and had a gleam in his bright, blue eyes seeming to reveal to, “You are going to die.” Unfortunately, the tarantula didn’t get the memo as our pursuit continued. Austin, and I chased the terrifying tarantula in a ballet of motions around the kitchen island, around the breakfast table, and under chairs as Jamison took the stronghold of preventing the beast from entering our den area by running back and forth along the entry area and videoing every last minute of our own “Comedy of Errors.”
With a deafening thud the cookbook came down. Unfortunately the weight of the cookbook wasn’t well thought out as the book began to slowly creep along the floor. I placed my foot on top of the book and all movement stopped. We stared at the book for about 3 minutes as we were all slightly terrified to lift it in case it was playing dead and would jump at us again and catch us off guard. My boys have seen way too many B-rated movies about out of control insects that decide to become enormous and eat innocent people.
“He really was kind of cute. Loved those little, beady eyes.” laughed Jamison. “We could have made him a pet.”
I know that there are better parents out there than me. The kind of parents that encourage their children to be creative and experiment with new and different types of pets. The open, creative sort that allow their children’s imaginations to soar and think outside the conventional pet type boxes. This week I saw a pet monkey named Berkley at Hair Dimensions during my hair cut, heard the hairdressers recall a client who brought in a pet rooster, and Mimi and Popsy just bought baby Keats (French Guineas) as their newest project.
With Jamison’s simple, sentiment filled statement, my mouth falls open in disbelief. Austin nearly falls over laughing and gasping for breath as he recalls the screaming and stomping that just took place. “Um, I am sure that we can find another one out in the field to bring in for her. Yeah, Mom will love that. Can’t you see her excitement?”
It is officially summertime and there is never a dull moment.